We all have that friend who keeps falling in love with emotionally unavailable people. Maybe we are that friend. We fall head over heels for guys already in relationships, the toxic one who makes promises for the future but can’t commit or people who are frankly just not right for us.
What if the pain caused by these failed attempts at love was not just a heartbreak? What if instead it was something more? What if it truly was an opportunity for growth?
Let’s look at how we can reframe the pain surrounding heartbreak (which often results in lies attached to our own identities):
4 Alternative Perspectives on Heartbreak
A Call to Live in the Moment
Practicing contentment is not always the easiest thing, but it becomes necessary when the crutches we once leaned on are knocked out from under us. The pain of losing someone who wasn’t right for us can be a call to press into the present moment and see the immense value of the relationships right in front of us: family, friends and the people who hold us up when we are down.
Hold gratitude for what comes and what goes alike. Practicing gratitude for the people in your life does not negate the pain of your past experiences. Opening up to those you trust and being vulnerable with your inner circle may allow them to walk with you through your disappointment.
Hold gratitude for what comes and what goes alike.
A Nudge Toward Something New
Maybe it was time to leave one chapter behind and follow the whisper inside prodding you to move beyond the things or people holding you back. As human beings, we tend to follow the path of least resistance. We value comfort and predictability. We adopt a scarcity mindset which deceives us to think that there is only so much love available to us and that we are destined to be alone.
This scarcity mindset keeps us small. It keeps us from shedding the pieces we have outgrown for fear of losing the only safety we have ever known. It can require the removal of what is comfortable to realize that our lives are meant to be abundant.
A Reminder of Your Worth
You are beautiful and worthy of love. There is so much within you that the right person will value completely. Do not settle for less than that. You do not have to rely on reciprocated affection or the approval of another person to value all that is within you.
You are strong, capable, beautiful and worthy of love. Learning to cultivate this deep sense of self-worth, especially after a heartbreak, can be one of the most valuable lessons in self-confidence. You contain multitudes—so much soul, intellect and beauty that is the product of both the good and bad experiences you’ve had.
You contain multitudes—so much soul, intellect and beauty that is the product of both the good and bad experiences you’ve had.
A Projection of the Best Parts of You
Love doesn’t always need to make sense or carry a reason as to why it happened. However, if we take a careful look at what drew us to this particular person, we may find some clues that point back to ourselves. There is a chance that whatever you found so attractive in the person you fell for was something you desperately wanted to see within yourself.
Was there something they did or were pursuing that was so intriguing to you? Did they inspire you to behave or act in a particular way that made you feel more “you” than ever? What was it that made you want to be around them?
Asking these questions may lead us to the lessons they were meant to teach us. It may be time to pursue that career path that you have been afraid to fully engage in. It may be time to take a few more risks. It may be time to cultivate a sense of adventure and seek out the kind of fun that keeps you on your toes.
These growing pains are acceptable. In fact, they are welcome. Reframing our perspectives on heartbreak grants us space to try again. It allows us to open up to the people closest to us. It gives us permission to not be broken down by people who have not given us the approval we so desperately crave.
You can take time to heal, and once you have healed, you can try again.
Has a previous heartbreak or relationship ending defined how you see yourself or love? What is one false narrative heartbreak taught you?
Image via Judith Pavón Sayrach