The Honest-to-Goodness Real Secret of Beauty

In high school, you could say I suffered from a bit of social anxiety. At the grocery store checkout line, upon signing my receipt, my right hand would shake and I wasn’t able to look the clerk in the eye. In conversation with acquaintances or people I didn’t know well, I was always more concerned with how I was composing myself and with what I should say next than I was with listening to what the other person was saying. My face frequently turned red anytime I was nervous or got around someone I wanted to impress.

My thoughts constantly turned inward and I was plagued by insecurity. In hindsight, I see that I was partly miserable because I was self-focused; and I was self-focused because I was miserable. I believed by turning all my energy inward I could fix myself, become my ideal self and make people accept and like me. Unfortunately, that plan didn’t work out for me and at the age of eighteen I found myself signing papers that I was a danger to myself.

… the more I try to fix myself, the more captive I become. However, the more I rest in my intrinsic value and worth, the more freedom I experience.

While my journey from severe depression and amidst mental health challenges has been multi-faceted, one thing I have learned is this: The more I try to fix myself, the more captive I become. However, the more I rest in my intrinsic value and worth, the more freedom I experience. Additionally, the more I forget myself, the more wide-awake I am to the people and experiences around me.

C.S. Lewis penned the famous words, “Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” I would add to his words this: Thinking of yourself less, frees you to think of others more.

I’ve discovered the further I take a genuine interest in other people, the more secure I am with who I am. One beauty secret is this: You will become more beautiful in one day by loving other people, than you will in one year by trying to get other people to love you. I now believe in the splendidness and freedom of self-forgetfulness.

Image via Abbey Williamson

Allie is a writer, dreamer, and kooky surfer-girl/wannabe cowgirl who lives in North Santa Barbara County. She serves as the Founder and Director of Wonderfully Made, a non-profit dedicated to helping young women know their value and worth.

5 COMMENTS
  • Jacqueline @ The Beauty Proof November 26, 2018

    Categorizing insecurity as an “inward” energy is so true! There’s nothing more gorgeous than kindness and confidence 🙂

  • Sarah August 13, 2018

    This article was so well written… and incredibly powerful. Simple and true!
    Thank you so much for sharing. This all aligns so much with what I am learning these days… and it was helpful for these thoughts to be put together in a powerful way!!
    So thank you for letting Jesus use your words.

  • I love the quote by CS Lewis. It rings so true. Thank you for the article! 🙂

    Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
    http://charmainenyw.com

  • geometrydashfree.com August 8, 2018

    The more I try to fix myself, the more captive I become. However, the more I rest in my intrinsic value and worth, the more freedom I experience….

  • fatima August 8, 2018

    Great article! i can relate to this I am a very shy person and get social anxiety. Its something that i work on everyday.

    http://Fatima8450.blogspot.com

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