The promises of wedding vows made with the best of intentions get tested when life — past and present — shows up. We are dynamic individuals growing and changing as we navigate life. Sometimes, a relationship cannot sustain under the pressures of change, struggle, illness, betrayal, and differing desires to make a marriage work.

Much is invested in preparation for the wedding while the statistics of divorce are a stark contrast to wedding day bliss. Many marriages do not survive today. Some statistics have that number between 40-50% for first marriages and the odds of divorce increase for second and third marriages.

When a marriage is in crisis, love is stretched. Faith is tested. Dreams feel like they become more distant.

I often wonder if my marriage will be the death of me. I say this without sarcasm or angst, and I mean this both literally and figuratively. As the caregiver for a disabled spouse, my life will no doubt be shortened due to the inherent physical and emotional strain. And my marriage, like every commitment birthed of true, unstoppable goodwill toward someone else, has meant an end to part of the life I dreamed for myself, a death of the future Me I always thought I would be.

Admittedly, this isn’t what’s sung about in most love songs. But perhaps we need to start writing some new ones.