Tag Archives: generosity

To Give Is To Receive

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To Give Is To Receive | Darling Magazine

We have all heard that “it is better to give than receive,” and each of us has likely experienced the joy of choosing the perfect gift for a friend, donating to your favorite charity, or volunteering your time at an organization in need. However, if I may be truly honest for a moment, I know that I can all too easily allow my own selfish desires and my own need for control to dictate my choices when it comes to my generosity with others. I know intellectually that I gain so much when I choose to give my time and resources away, but my need to further my own goals often stifles my joy in the process. So why is it better to give than receive? What do we gain when we choose to lose some of what we have?

Excitement for a Cause
A commitment to generosity can cultivate a strong passion for a specific cause. Where do we start? Make “giving” a part of your budget. Once you decide upon an allotted amount, the fun can begin as you look at different possibilities for how to best distribute your gift. Maybe your own story lends itself to helping others in a similar situation or perhaps a friend or relative is intimately involved with a cause that you would like to contribute to. Whatever you decide, it is guaranteed to help each of us learn more about the diverse needs of our world and inspire us to use our gifts, talents, and resources to be agents of change in those places of need.

New Eyes to See
When giving becomes a habitual part of our lives, we begin to see more opportunities to give. Disciplining ourselves to give our time and resources now, will develop in us a keen vision for seeing the need in the world, making us more likely to respond. While it is important to be thrifty and spend our money wisely, cultivating a spirit of giving will turn our eyes inside out so that we look for opportunities to help others and not simply ourselves.

A Reminder That We Are Not In Control
While we are wise to be responsible when it comes to financial matters, the discipline of giving is a good reminder that we are not in control. Letting go of our time and possessions is a healthy exercise in letting go of the things we often feel entitled to—our hard-earned wages, our weekend off, our Christmas bonus. Letting go of the things we cherish in order to bless someone else in ways we may not know can be a healthy exercise that teaches us that we are not in control.

Gratitude for What We Do Have
The act of giving can also be seen as an acknowledgement of gratitude for what we do have. When we act from a posture of insatiable want, we have no room for generosity toward others, spending our energy on an eternal quest for more. Rather when we live out of the understanding of our immense blessing, we are able to give freely to others and experience the greatest joy of all.

Engagement in Relationship
Finally, seizing opportunities to give connects us with others, strengthening relationships with friends and strangers alike. Relationships are arguably the most precious thing in life so why not look for opportunities to connect with others through the giving of our time and resources? Further, when we give with joy, we have the opportunity to model a sincere friendship that the recipient may not have ever experienced before. If we believe that actions speak louder than words, we must communicate love with our actions and embrace the spirit of giving.

As young women, there are many goals we would like to achieve and paths we wish to pursue. These are undoubtedly noble and worthy causes. However, when we focus too narrowly on our own pursuits, we tend to lose sight of our responsibility toward others and can easily miss out on the great joy that comes from giving of our selves. Rather when we commit to letting go and exercising generosity, we experience of multitude of intangible blessing.

From Anonymous

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From Anonymous | Darling Magazine

Have you ever received an anonymous gift? One such surprise, a delightful arrangement of orange lilies, was delivered to my house with a simple note attached: “Just because you are special, from Anonymous.”

From Anonymous! The mystery became all too much for the Nancy Drew in me to disregard. Even more enchanting—and contrary to my first assumption—was my eventual realization that the bouquet was not from my mother. Without a doubt, this was the most intriguing gift—ever! How does this story end? Well, I won’t leave you hanging. The mystery was solved in time, and the sender’s identity ultimately discovered—I am now married to the sender of those flowers.

Christmas is a time for giving. In fact, a legendary tale rumors that St. Nicholas secretly tossed bags of gold down the chimney of a house belonging to a destitute and desperate father—allowing the penniless man to offer dowries to marry off all three of his daughters. But until recent days, I missed the significance of this celebrated story: St. Nicholas wanted to remain anonymous in his giving and didn’t wish for any acclaim for his good deeds.

Do we, like St. Nicholas, give generously, selflessly and without motivation to receive anything in return? Typically our incentive to give is prompted by anticipation to get something in return. We often desire acknowledgement or appreciation for our efforts. But what happens if we remove our expectation of reciprocity, and our call for recognition? Perhaps anonymous and random acts of kindness allow us to practice bigheartedness with an unadulterated objective.

Possibly you were taught the value in giving in a discreet manner. Even the Bible reminds us not to make a performance of our giving, telling us in a book by Matthew: “When you do something for someone else, don’t call attention to yourself…When you help someone out, don’t think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively.”

Similarly, as we journey through life, we discover the pleasure in spending our money and efforts on someone other than ourselves. In case you think our joy in giving is somehow lessened when we give without taking credit, try it for yourself and experience the gratification of giving in secret.

Here are 10 cheery holiday-inspired ideas to help you conspire imaginative ways to give covertly this holiday season…

1. Pay for the coffee of the person behind you in a line up.
2. Treat your neighbor by leaving goodies on the doorstep, along with an unsigned note.
3. Volunteer to help with the delivery of holiday food parcels for a local charity.
4. Love ordering online? Mail a gift to someone, and do not include your return address.
5. Create care packages to deliver at a nursing home or senior center.
6. Organize a basket with gifts to be delivered to a family in need.
7. Secretly give money to someone who is having a challenging time with finances.
8. Place an encouraging mystery card under the windshield wiper of a friend.
9. Take a poinsettia or floral arrangement to a patient in hospital who needs a visitor.
10. Give toys to a charity such as Santa’s Anonymous, providing presents for children.

Giving in secret is an excellent expression of thoughtfulness, or of your appreciation for someone, devoid of receiving recognition for yourself. It’s my favorite way of giving—and an ideal way to help those in need during the holiday season without leaving the recipient feeling embarrassed, indebted, or obliged to reciprocate.

Above all else, when a gift is given stealthily, there is an element of surprise. A gift which has no “strings” can be exceptionally meaningful. How much money you spend is not what matters. Even a thoughtful note or hand-made gift will convey the message: you are cared about. You might have to be a little sneaky, but what’s important is that in the end we make someone believe they are special.

Christmas time is the perfect opportunity to practice a bit of mystery giving. Be inventive, be generous and be enthusiastic. Just remember to try not to get found out. Be sure to leave no trace it’s from you!

Image via Odessa May Society

Paint The Town Red

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I have always wanted to paint my front door red. A bright and beautifully bold red door sounds charming, don’t you think?

Sadly, my wish for a literal red door was expunged the moment I moved into a rosy-colored home; however, this desire has developed my thinking and moved me to desire a figurative red door, one that pleasantly forces me to adopt a new notion of hospitality.

What’s behind the red door?

For me, the appeal of a red door is it’s deep symbolism. Historically, a red front door means welcome; implying happiness, hospitality and place of safety. A red door heralds that all are welcome inside.

Often we focus our energy on styling or personalizing our home; we dream of renovation, decorating or re-furbishing projects. But how often do we ponder improvements to the essence and character that fills our home?

Mark Twain captures the heart of his home with such eloquence: “…to us our house was not insentient matter – it had a heart and a soul and eyes to see us with; our approvals and solicitudes and deep sympathies; it was of us, and we were in its confidence, and lived in its grace and in the peace of its benediction. We never came home from an absence that its face did not light up and speak out its eloquent welcome – and we could not enter it unmoved.”

This is a tall order, I know, but much can be said about us by the tone we set for our home, and who we invite in. Do we keep company with only those who are popular or successful? Are the poor welcome? How about children? When is the last time that someone with a disability was invited to a party at your home?

Who will we open our doors to? Who will we let in?

To help us answer this question, allow me to introduce you to Katharina Von Bora Luther. Katharina was a German Catholic nun who fled the convent at the age of twenty-four and later married Martin Luther, the leader of the Protestant Reformation, during the 16th century. The Luthers were known for their seemingly limitless demonstration of hospitality. They hosted many visitors; at times there were as many as thirty people boarding with them! Some were guests, and most of the others were boarders or students. They took no payment from anyone.

Katie tended to everything, including their animals, orchard and vegetable garden. She even slaughtered the animals herself and brewed her own beer! That’s right, she brewed her own beer. Please remember that this may have been Reformation times, but it was also Germany—and what makes for a better German hostess than the provision of beer?

Katharina and Luther modeled extensive hospitality and generosity towards the poor and needy. Despite their financial constraints, this notable woman of history managed to care for a large number of guests. Her table was surrounded by her own six children, and by students who would come to dine while sharing in theological discussions.

A great woman learns the art of hospitality.

Hospitality speaks of kindness, warmth, generosity and “welcome.” Like Katharina, one way to begin our new journey as a hostess who welcomes all is by seizing the opportunity to invite those who will be unlikely to return our hospitality.

Don’t be too shy to include those individuals who may be awkward to be around, or extend an invitation to people who are in a different age or financial bracket. If we overlook those with a physical disability, or those who are not well liked, not wanted, too old, too young, or just not “cool,” then we have failed to extend true hospitality.

Adopting a new notion of hospitality goes well beyond the literal décor of one’s home. Perhaps the role of hostess needs to transform into an all-encompassing endeavor, one that surpasses the superficial. If Mark Twain speaks truth about a home possessing a heart, a soul, and eyes to see us with, would yours emanate peace in its benediction?

So, Darlings, unlock the latch, turn the handle, and take pleasure in opening your door to discover never-ending “red door” opportunities.

Let’s paint our towns red!

 

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ugardener/2345895499/

Our Children: A Closer Look at the Orphan Crisis

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Worldwide, there are over 160 million orphans.

Ask most of us to name one of these parentless, homeless or abandoned children, and we can only remember celebrated story book characters such as Oliver Twist or Anne of Green Gables. Famed writings such as Little Orphan Annie offer us charismatic personalities and engage us in story lines that make for triumphant best sellers. However, the utter quandary of our global orphan crisis is not portrayed by these heart-warming tales that soft-pedal the plight of the oppressed.

Our conscience is eased when the characters in such narratives are liberated of social injustices through fanciful fairy tale endings. Globally speaking, this same happy ending is an unlikely outcome for the majority of orphaned children.

Our world has a crisis: more than 160 million children are orphans today. These children belong to the human race. They belong to us all.

One of our world’s orphaned children is Carmen. I met Carmen at an orphanage in Baja, Mexico in May 2005, just a few months after her parents were killed in a motor vehicle accident.

Carmen and I formed an exceptional bond during the short time I volunteered in the Baja, after which I made a decision to sponsor Carmen. This required a small ongoing monthly financial commitment, but even more important to Carmen and me was the role I played by becoming her Tia, meaning “auntie.”

I exchanged letters with Carmen, sent gifts on her birthday and at Christmas, and made repeated trips to visit her at the orphanage—all things that have been meaningful for us both.

Carmen needed to know that somewhere, there was someone who cared about her; someone who loved her, or someone to whom she was special. Carmen is still special to me. Although she is now old enough to live outside of the orphanage with older siblings, I will always be her Tia. Carmen changed my life, giving orphans all over the world a name.

This is the plight of the orphan.

The word “plight” describes a messy situation. It means: dilemma, jam, tight spot, predicament, or troubles. The word well-depicts some of what it means to be an orphan in 2012. And yes, it’s a predicament at best.

Who acknowledges these children? Who cares about them?

Karen Hauptfleisch makes the world a better place for vulnerable children. Karen is the founder and hands-on heart of a South African organization called SOAPkidz. The acronym “SOAP” stands for Sunrise On Africa’s Peaks.

Karen and the volunteers of SOAPkidz empower vulnerable children by connecting them to nature through outdoor activities such as orienteering, hiking, mountain climbing, alien plant eradication, cycling and tree planting. SOAPkidz events and outdoor programs are structured to make the children feel special. They learn about respect for themselves, others and nature; and they learn to experience love and personal growth by developing positive values and attitudes.

Karen says, “We empower the children to look after themselves, take responsibility, make good decisions and confidently find their place in our society. SOAPkidz enriches the lives and shapes the values of both the kids and the volunteers who run the programs.”

Do you and I care enough to do something? What can we do?

There are countless organizations that offer orphan care, and there are many ways to personally and positively impact a child’s life. Each of these ways will require us to take initiative and to give of ourselves.

Give your time.
Contact local or foreign orphanages to identify their current needs and offer your help; or visit a regional or international orphanage. Partner with organizations committed to orphan care. Inquire of your district’s department of social services to see how you can engage to effect change in your home community.

Give your money.
Be big-hearted and open-handed alike. There are lots of charities, organizations, ministries, sponsorship programs that support orphan care. The bottom line is that our individual financial contributions can greatly help to relieve the orphan crisis.

Give your voice.
It’s troubling, to some extent, that our society takes such keen interest in global concerns, spotlighting the interests of our planet: global warming, water pollution, oil and energy sources, or the “plight of the rhino.” We converge for such causes (noble as they are) rather than weighting our cry for the wellbeing of its vulnerable population.

Many of us resist the idea that orphaned children are our liability. And for some reason, it’s much easier for us to take the platform for the extinction of a species than it is for us to mobilize to care for babies and children.

To bring about societal change we must not sidestep the crisis, but instead hasten to address orphan care. Creating and participating in events that create awareness is one way to advocate for those who have no voice.

Give your life.
It’s one thing to send money in an envelope or visit an orphanage overseas. However, opening our homes, and more importantly our hearts, is a calling that most of us will inevitably forfeit. Adoption provides a solution for some children, but the reality is that most orphaned children will never be adopted or belong to a family. In fact, we can approximate that only 1 percent of the world’s orphans will be adopted – ever.

In foster care homes and orphanages word wide, there are despairing children desiring to be adopted. However there is a paucity of parents willing to accept these children; especially those with diagnosed disabilities, or those children who have aged beyond babyhood.

Consider adoption or your role as a foster parent, or find ways to connect to families who are currently pursuing the channel of adoption or fostering. There is always room to offer these families respite care, or simply brave the road with them through our teamwork and goodwill.

What responsibility are we going to take on in the orphan crisis?

It’s remarkable how our perspective changes when we personalize our obligation, not only to our planet, but to its children. These are our children. We must not neglect, discard or spurn our orphans.

It is up to us meet their needs, and to show charity and compassion. It is up to you and me to defend their cause, jump life’s hurdles along side of them, and raise this generation of motherless and fatherless children.

Again I wonder what guardianship you and I will assume in the orphan crisis-and will it change our world?

 

Photo Credit: http://souls-of-my-shoes.tumblr.com/post/23002818030/portrait-of-nepalese-girls-arket-bazaar-by

The Character of Beauty: Generosity

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Back in August 2009, I received an email from my now-husband saying, “Now…this is random, but just go with it and I’ll give you more details later.” He followed the sentence with an excerpt from the book of Mark in the Bible:

“Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” (Mark 12:41-44)

After I read it, I went back and read it about fifteen more times. I was meeting him for lunch that day, and since he didn’t tell me why he’d sent the excerpt for me to read, I assumed it was something he wanted to discuss with me further. However, much to my surprise, as soon as I got to San Diego he handed me a pretty little purple box with the most beautiful necklace inside: a 2,000-year-old copper coin pendant, set in gold and hanging on a delicate gold chain–the very same kind of coin the widow would have had when she made her small offering.

I love this necklace because every time I put it on I am reminded to give all that I can, no matter how small.

Regardless of our financial status, we all have the opportunity live in a sacrificial way. Giving all we have to live on looks different for everyone. But I can’t help but ask myself, “When was the last time I gave in a way that truly stretched me?”

How we choose to be generous depends on what the circumstances are and what we have to offer. Whether it be money or time, we need to stretch ourselves in generosity toward those around us. It’s not a natural choice, and it’s not an easy choice, but it’s a daily choice we all have the opportunity to make as we pursue generous lives–outpouring all that we have to give for the benefit of those in need.

Read the rest of the articles in the 6 part series “The Character of Beauty” here.

 

Photo Credit: weheartit.com

Did You Know? Today is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day

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She swerves onto the main road and I immediately know she’s trouble.

Her dangly earrings swing back and forth until she straightens out her blingy SUV into the lane beside me. She tries to text on her iPhone while balancing her sunglasses on her forehead and getting her child in the back seat to drink organic apple juice without spilling. As predicted, she cuts me off then comes to an abrupt stop. I slam on my brakes, the fury of injustice bubbling up immediately.

Still fuming, I arrive at work saying, “Guess what some flakey driver did!” Once my story is over and my frustration shared, I feel better.

I feel better because sharing is catharsis, especially concerning injustices. Having someone else agree about a wrong brings a sense of resolution, even if nothing is actually resolved.

It seems trite to call my mini road rage issue an “injustice,” with so many true injustices flourishing in our world. Abject poverty, lack of medical care, mistreatment of children and unfair economic practices are just a few real issues that millions live with daily.

However, human justice issues seldom hit close to home. Very few of us know of friends and family being trafficked or exploited. We don’t see families in indentured servitude at brick factories or children on our streets being sold for sex. The only way the injustice affects us is when we feel it. Besides physical disasters and violence, the destruction of beauty and exploitation of innocence can move us to anger and tears.

So when we feel the pang of injustice, is sharing our frustration or “spreading awareness” really making a difference or are we solving our own emotional need for catharsis?

Take my silly road rage example. Telling my coworkers about my feelings of frustration made me feel justified in my anger. But if I wanted to make a change, I needed to do more than just feel better. I needed to act. I could have taken down her license, pushed for stricter regulation of the no-texting laws, put her under citizens arrest…maybe not. I did nothing because I was not truly a victim and the problem did not warrant action. However, so many problems demand we do something.

We have heard the famous Edmund Burke quote that, “All that it takes for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” We must get out of the mindset that expressing frustration is accomplishing something.

The bottom-line is, with human justice issues, me feeling better is not the end goal. The end goal is making a difference.

This month is Human Trafficking Awareness Month. Many of us already know about the heartbreaking reality of Modern Day Slavery and that approximately 1.2 million children are in forced labor and sexual exploitation.

Awareness is important. It is important because when you are aware, you can act. Awareness is the road, not the destination.

I encourage you to make a difference this month. DO share your frustrations, the statistics, stories of hope and courage. Also GIVE. Give money to organizations that rescue those in slavery, restore the broken and change cultures that are accepting of exploitation. PRAY. VOLUNTEER. Advocate for at-risk children in your neighborhood.

One organization effectively rescuing children in sex-trafficking is Agape International Missions (AIM). Read stories of victory over sex-trafficking and donate today at agapewebsite.org

We don’t know what it’s like to be trapped in modern-day slavery, but we’re aware, and we can make a difference.

 

Photo Credit: (c) Agape International Missions, 2012 Used by permission

Don’t Give Up the Giving

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During the Christmas season, we’re encouraged to be generous, to think of those less fortunate. Soup kitchens have to turn away volunteers for serving holiday meals and charity is at the forefront of the common rhetoric. Once we shift our thoughts toward the new year, however, our goals seem to shift from community improvement and toward self-improvement.

Sure, part of this abrupt annual attitude change is due to the fact that the calendar marks the end of a tax year, and some were only looking for year-end deductions. But, that’s only a small part. The shift seems to prevail over society as a whole and not just over the “one percent.” Even genuine generosity seems to drop off after the ball drops in Times Square. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

At the end of the year, we reflect on the past. We can see where we’ve experienced abundance, and we can share from it. But giving is much harder to do when it requires sacrifice. At the beginning of the year, we look ahead to the unknown. We fear the unknown. On day one, even for those who have work, offices and banks are closed, so nearly everyone’s year-to-date income is zero dollars. It’s hard to give to others when we’re apprehensive about our own futures. Accordingly, we turn our focus inward. This affects not only our material generosity, but the way relate to others on the whole. We resolve to be the best we can be. Because, surely, we think, this will guarantee an abundant future. Self-improvement is all well and good, but not if it leads to self-centeredness.

This year, we should not forget all the blessings of the past just because the calendar has turned another page. We should carry the generosity of the holiday season over, and incorporate it into our new beginnings! We should continue to be others-focused even though the bell-ringers have packed up their red buckets and are no longer there to remind us that “need has no season.”

Since the new year is in full swing, many resolutions have already been made and broken. So, the following suggestions are not resolutions, but rather “aspirations” for the new year. While they address three common areas of self-improvement, these aspirations put the focus on others first:

1. Exercise. Walk around your block once a week and pick up litter. Maybe by being out in your neighborhood consistently, you will find opportunities for conversations with neighbors, and you’ll learn about more ways to help the neighborhood! And, a little fresh air just might do you some good.
2. Diet. Don’t flee from panhandlers just because of mild uneasiness. If someone asks for money for food, offer to buy him a bite to eat. He may not like the suggestion, but he just may need that meal, and take you up on it!
3. Career. Compliment one person each day on something you appreciate about his or her work. It could be a co-worker who makes an insightful suggestion, or a barista who gives exceptional attention to your over-customized order. Encourage the excellence that you see in others as you strive for it yourself.

Look to the future with hope, remember you are not alone, and don’t stop giving in this new year!

 

Photo Credit: http://lapetitedame1.tumblr.com/page/4, stephhicks68.hubpages.com

A Heart Not Untouched

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If you listen to popular ‘wisdom’ you will hear a very subtle refrain, almost too quiet to hear: Take care of yourself first, others next.
It seems worthy–I mean, the “others” part is in there, right? I can’t put an oxygen mask on someone else before I put it on myself!

That might mean I would sacrifice myself for someone else…

We can try and care for ourselves before reaching out to others, but caring for only ourselves leaves us feeling always slightly empty, never quite satisfied. We never reach that moment of “Ok, I’m ready. Totally full, ready to give.” In all that time who knows how many people you might have touched?

Perhaps it would be wiser to simply give and care and reach while you care for yourself. Then your cup is never too full and never too empty.

This my friends, is true joy: to touch the hand of someone who needs you and not leave it empty. To hear a soft voice calling and turn to behold the need. To meet an eye with a generous heart. Let us stir the coals of our hearts into a gentle flame that others may gather around and be warmed.

 

Photo Credit: everyday-i-show.livejournal.com