“No” can be one of the most discouraging words a person will ever hear. These two little letters can mark us with rejection, failure, disappointment, and confusion.
Whether it’s a date, a job, a proposal, or an audition, here are a few helpful tips for dealing with the big N-O.
Make a classy exit.
Say “Thank you” and be appreciative of someone else giving their time to hear you. It’s okay to ask a few questions about why he or she came to their decision or what you can do to improve for the future, but yelling, lashing out, or outlining all the reasons why they are making a terrible mistake is not going to help anyone — especially you.
Choose to be gracious and kind, and you will be remembered for it.
Give yourself a moment.
The last time I was turned down for a job I cried like a baby. I was sitting in my car in the middle of LA traffic doing the ugly cry. As childish as I felt, I knew I needed to let out the tension. I had poured my heart into the application process, meshed well with the team members I had met, carried very high hopes, and felt like things were going in my favor. My nerves were frazzled by the end of the two-week interview process, and a good cry was what I needed in order to let go. It’s okay to be disappointed and it’s okay to acknowledge your feelings.
Realize it happens to everyone.
Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper company because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Oprah was once fired from a television job because she was considered “unfit for TV.”
Every single person — even the highly successful ones — has been turned down at some point in their journey. You’re in great company.
It’s okay to be disappointed and it’s okay to acknowledge your feelings.
Put in some time.
Take a few hours or set aside a day to make some improvements. Go over any and all feedback you received. Update your resume. Amp up your cover letter. Ask some trusted colleagues for their input.
My husband’s Jiu-Jitsu instructor often says, “You don’t get better by winning, you get better by losing.” There are always areas for improvement, and we often find them in the midst of rejection. Take the feedback and the critiques and use them to your advantage!
Dream about the future.
There are times when you have done it all — you prepared, you rehearsed, you did the research, you have the skills, you know the market — and still you’re turned away. Sometimes there is no explanation. When these moments come and there doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason, I tell myself that I am being protected from something. This thing I was running after must not be the best path for my life, and something better and more fitting must be coming up ahead.
Knowing this, we can find rest and peace in rejection because it protects us from less than the best. And we can dream about the things still to come. Move on. Dream. Go get ‘em.
What strategies have you found helpful when dealing with rejection?
Image via Stefan Junir
12 comments
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Thank you so much for this; it’s really resonated with me as I’m about to start my third year of admission applications for PhD programs. It’s such a draining process, and sometimes there really is no explanation—I choose to believe, as you wrote, that at those times I’m being protected from something! Thank you so much for a wonderful article.
Em – You’re so welcome. I’m sure this has been a frustrating process for you and I applaud your resilience. Keep fighting for what you love 🙂
Janelle,
This is an excellent post!
I deal with no’s in ways similar that you suggested.
I realize that I am the best that I can be in this moment; and if I prepared and tried my best, I have no reason to dwell in sadness – clearly, it’s just not my time.
And no doesn’t always mean never, just not right now.
Sequoya – You have such a stellar attitude! Thank you for sharing this encouragement! Keep doing your best – it’s so inspiring! 🙂
Great post. I’ve been hearing “no” a lot latley since graduating from college. It seems as though every person thinks I’m not qualified enough or don’t have enough experience. Cheers to hoping my dream job is out there somewhere. Thanks for the encouragement!
Thanks for sharing, Nicole! Keep persevering! Every step is preparing you for what’s ahead – even the tough lessons! 🙂
Dreaming about the future is such a good one when it comes to dealing with rejection, especially with potential job opportunities. Whenever I’ve been turned down, I always tell myself, something even better will come along. Looking back, that statement has always turned out to be true. Thanks for the optimistic, heartening post. <3
So true, Courtney! Better things are up ahead! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!