Confessions of a Former Angry Girl

I’m a reformed angry girl.

It wasn’t quite a year ago that I made a promise to stop justifying my crappy behavior. So I did something really cliché, I vowed to devote an entire year to loving myself better. The craziest part is … I think it worked.

Nothing is all that brave unless you’re a least a little terrified before you do it. Personally, committing to loving myself wasn’t like deciding to step outside my comfort zone, it was something more akin to running a marathon blindfolded – next to impossible and pretty ridiculous looking. The thing about reinventing yourself is that it’s all about you (shocking, right?). I realized that if I didn’t start to change the less than savory parts of myself, there was a large chance that I would wake up in 75 years and think, “I don’t particularly like me.”

A year ago, I didn’t particularly like me because I didn’t particularly like people. I’ve made the mistake of trying to repurpose others in order to make them fit me. Like trying to hammer a puzzle piece where it isn’t meant to fit, I would spend way too much time and energy focusing on the things other people did that made me angry rather than focusing time on my own vision. Envy, jealously and insecurity, those things are really easy to resort to (take it from an expert), but learning to just be yourself is the tricky part.

Nothing is all that brave unless you’re a least a little terrified before you do it.

angry girl confessions

You know what use to make me really angry? When my friends were more successful than I was. Getting promoted, engagement parties, really good hair days, it would make me angry that someone else appeared on the outside to be better than I thought I could ever be. But, you know what? When you shift your mental spotlight away from those around you, you quickly realize that no matter what level of success you attain, you will always have the baggage of yourself. I could have the best job, the best husband and the best hair, but honestly, that probably still wouldn’t keep me from being angry.

The only thing the cools the anger that too often wells up inside is not being a self-hater. Change doesn’t happen when you realize that you don’t like the person you’ve become, it happens when you love yourself enough to recognize that you deserve better than a life filled with insecurities. In the past several months, I’ve learned that I’m an individual with a lot of feelings, and that taking the time to learn who to channel those feelings toward isn’t a sign of weakness or condemnation, but is a tactic to love myself and those around me better. I’ve discovered that it has never been success that has inhibited me from being angry, but it has always been the way that I feel about myself and the lack of love that I offer myself that’s been the real issue.

The only thing the cools the anger that too often wells up inside is not being a self-hater.

Waking up a year ago and realizing that I was becoming someone I didn’t like was terrifying. But in that moment, I knew that I had two options: to step forward into something a little uncomfortable and admittedly silly, like devoting a year to loving myself, or stay inside my comfortable bubble of negativity.

I’ve never had to second guess my decision to take that leap outside of what used to make me comfortable. Every day when I wake up and feel a little more anger has been chipped away from my heart, I know that I’ve made the right choice. Looking forward, not back, choosing love, not envy — that stuff is scary, but oh, is it worth it.

What’s one way you can step outside of your comfort zone today?

Images via Jaicee Morgan

Hannah is a native New Mexican transplanted to Denver, Colorado. She loves writing, a good DIY project, and Earl Grey tea. Adventure is her middle name and she plans to explore, and eat, her way through as many countries as possible.

14 COMMENTS
  • Vanessa January 6, 2017

    I believe giving yourself a vision of who you want to be helps to take the focus of others and bring it back to yourself.

    Everyday I remind myself I want to be “Happy.Beautiful.Wise“
    Happy to me means to experience joy and inner peace. Feel gratitude and appreciate everything around me.
    Beautiful means to have a beautiful heart, mind, soul and being well-groomed.
    Being wise is to never forget to grow spiritually and broaden my mind.

    Whenever I catch myself feeling jealous or angry about someone else, I say to myself “Happy.Beautiful.Wise”

  • Courtney September 17, 2016

    I agree – I would love to hear how you approached this and what strategies you used!

    • Hannah Littlefield September 18, 2016

      One of the biggest things that helped was having a mantra (that sounds a little silly, I know). But whenever I would feel myself getting angry or jealous I would repeat to myself, “My happiness is dependent on me alone.” Reminding myself that I was in control proved to be super powerful! Also, eating healthy, getting sleep and exercise…those things inevitably make you feel better even if you aren’t susceptible to anger. Also, surround yourself with friends who don’t make you feel like life is a competition, that’s a big one!

  • Amanda September 17, 2016

    So thankful for this, hit me right where I am at. Sometimes we think to choose to love ourself is selfish and won’t lead to doing much good but in reality we need to start there. Again, thank you! xox

  • Amanda September 17, 2016

    So thankful for this, hit me right where I am at. Sometimes we think to choose to love ourself is selfish and won’t lead to doing much good but in reality we need to start their. Again, thank you! xox

  • Maria September 17, 2016

    I love your honesty and willingness to change. I am printing the article to share with my sister that desperately needs to read this article. Being in the presence of self-haters is taxing on friendships and relationships. I love the fact that you made yourself a priority!

  • Anonymous September 16, 2016

    How did you do it?

    • Hannah Littlefield September 18, 2016

      One of the biggest things that helped was having a mantra (that sounds a little silly, I know). But whenever I would feel myself getting angry or jealous I would repeat to myself, “My happiness is dependent on me alone.” Reminding myself that I was in control proved to be super powerful! Also, eating healthy, getting sleep and exercise…those things inevitably make you feel better even if you aren’t susceptible to anger. Also, surround yourself with friends who don’t make you feel like life is a competition, that’s a big one!

  • MKaren September 16, 2016

    As Michaela sad, this was very timely, as I too have been pushing through self-loathing over the last 6mos. Great article! However, I would love some more concrete examples or strategies you employed to “love yourself” more. Was it just shifting that inner voice or others?

    • sarah September 17, 2016

      I second this request! I’ve found myself struggling with these very things, but the idea of “loving myself” seems 100% a different language. what do I do to learn it?

    • Hannah Littlefield September 18, 2016

      Hey there! I think that self-care is super personal, so but for me, one of the biggest things that helped was having a mantra (that sounds a little silly, I know). But whenever I would feel myself getting angry or jealous I would repeat to myself, “My happiness is dependent on me alone.” Reminding myself that I was in control proved to be super powerful! Also, eating healthy, getting sleep and exercise…those things inevitably make you feel better even if you aren’t susceptible to anger. Also, surround yourself with friends who don’t make you feel like life is a competition, that’s a big one!

      • sarah September 18, 2016

        thank you for your response! I appreciate the advice and direction.

  • Michaela September 16, 2016

    You’re speaking out of my heart. I am slowly changing my view to love myself and it’s like you said a journey and a livelong confession. For me yoga helps a lot to be more content with myself 🙂

    Best
    Michaela

  • i8aSquash September 16, 2016

    This is good stuff… Seems I’m heading down that anger path sometimes. Stepping outside my comfort zone would mean slowing down and having more patience.

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