Category Archives: The Character Of Beauty

The Character of Beauty: Confidence

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When I was in high school, I carried myself with too much confidence. While I didn’t see it that way at the time, I now know that my confidence was rooted in pride, rather than a strong grasp of my own value and worth.

Years later when I was in college, my confidence plummeted to the ground as I battled with my body image for the first time ever (how I skipped that phase of adolescence, I have no idea). Not only did I have a negative view of my appearance, but I also had low self-esteem rooted in the self-imposed pressure to succeed at everything I set out to do. I was a mess, to say the least. The pendulum swung from one extreme to another, and I couldn’t seem to find the balance.

Some say that “confidence is the best accessory,” and while I agree to an extent, I’d argue that the statement is only true when our confidence is based on the right thing. Confidence and pride do not go together, but rather true confidence stands firmly on our understanding of who we are.

As a girl with an affinity for statement necklaces, I appreciate having the best accessories. And when it comes to confidence, I want the real deal. The kind that sparkles and shimmers and that people can’t help but notice. The beautiful kind, that is neither connected to my insecurities nor my pride. The kind that generates itself based on living an outward-focused life.

Want to be beautiful? Want to have real, deep and true confidence? It’s time for us to grasp our God-given identity and believe that nothing (and nobody) can take that away from us. Real confidence is rooted in our faith. Not only by believing in God, but by believing God when he tells us who we are and what we’re made for.

You are loved, you are cherished, you are valued, you are made for a purpose, you are worth more than you know. Have confidence in that.

 

Read the rest of the articles in the 6 part series “The Character of Beauty” here.

 

Photo Credit: http://pinterest.com/pin/209487820136540494/

The Character of Beauty: Generosity

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Back in August 2009, I received an email from my now-husband saying, “Now…this is random, but just go with it and I’ll give you more details later.” He followed the sentence with an excerpt from the book of Mark in the Bible:

“Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” (Mark 12:41-44)

After I read it, I went back and read it about fifteen more times. I was meeting him for lunch that day, and since he didn’t tell me why he’d sent the excerpt for me to read, I assumed it was something he wanted to discuss with me further. However, much to my surprise, as soon as I got to San Diego he handed me a pretty little purple box with the most beautiful necklace inside: a 2,000-year-old copper coin pendant, set in gold and hanging on a delicate gold chain–the very same kind of coin the widow would have had when she made her small offering.

I love this necklace because every time I put it on I am reminded to give all that I can, no matter how small.

Regardless of our financial status, we all have the opportunity live in a sacrificial way. Giving all we have to live on looks different for everyone. But I can’t help but ask myself, “When was the last time I gave in a way that truly stretched me?”

How we choose to be generous depends on what the circumstances are and what we have to offer. Whether it be money or time, we need to stretch ourselves in generosity toward those around us. It’s not a natural choice, and it’s not an easy choice, but it’s a daily choice we all have the opportunity to make as we pursue generous lives–outpouring all that we have to give for the benefit of those in need.

Read the rest of the articles in the 6 part series “The Character of Beauty” here.

 

Photo Credit: weheartit.com

The Character of Beauty: Love

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Love is an action, a decision, a choice. Love does not require that we like the person on the receiving end, and in fact the most powerful forms of love occur when the one we love is an enemy or someone who has wronged us.

Love is a selfless act. It demands that we set aside our wants and desires in order to meet the needs of others. Love forgives quickly and serves readily. Love calls for sacrifice.

As a newlywed, I’ve learned more about love this year than I did in the past twenty-four. I know the statements above to be true because day in and day out, I either see them in action, or see things fall apart when they are missing.

Aside from this first year of marriage, I experienced real, life-changing love during several difficult years of battling anorexia during college. Consumed with coping with my own pain and emotionally numb, I truly had nothing to offer those around me. I felt worthless and unlovable; looking back I can see that while my actual worth never changed, I certainly was a hard-to-love friend. Nonetheless, my friends stood by me.

Greta met with me weekly and sent me a daily note of encouragement, affirming how loved and valuable I was in the eyes of others, but most importantly in the eyes of God. Jessica invited me to coffee and became a safe person to vent my feelings to. Erin showed me that it was okay to be hurting, and there was no shame in getting help. Kasey, seeing the depth of my illness, had the courage to tell my family how sick I really was so that I could get the care I needed. Rachel took me shopping when I was forced to gain back the weight and my clothes didn’t fit anymore. Karli–having known me since I was in elementary school–reminded me of who I really was and helped me see how far away I’d gotten from my true self.

Those women loved me when I was unlovable. It’s shameful to admit that they got no love in return–at least, not at that time. Yet, they showed up for me. They saw I was hurting and decided to lay aside their own needs in order to help me heal.

Love can be an ugly process, but it always has a beautiful outcome. Difficult as it is to muster up energy to consciously love others, love is highly contagious when we encounter it. When we are struck with the privilege of being loved by someone else, we can’t help but pay it forward, passing it along to another person in need.

That’s why it’s so important that we cultivate this quality, girls. We need to choose love over self-obsession and let it spread, infecting those around us. As we make the choice to love our grumpy coworkers, our crazy families, and the underprivileged people who are always around us, we will make the world a more beautiful place–all the while being transformed ourselves in the process.

 

Read the rest of the articles in the 6 part series “The Character of Beauty” here.

 

Photo Credit: Google.ca

The Character of Beauty: Compassion

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Compassion can be defined as a sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. Or, in simpler terms, compassion is kindness that is moved to action.

That kind of character is what I see when I think of Pam Cope, a woman who is changing the world every day because of her small acts of compassion. Struck by the poverty she and her husband witnessed while visiting an orphanage in Vietnam, she knew she wanted to change the lives of the children who had to beg on the streets for survival.

They started by renting a small apartment in Saigon to house 15 street children, providing them with food, clothing, education, and family. A few months later, they rented another house and brought 15 more children to safety.

In 2006, Pam’s compassion moved her once again. She saw a little boy named Mark on the front page of The New York Times and knew she had to do something. His story tugged her heart so much that she coordinated a trip to Africa so that she could rescue him from slavery.

Pam’s actions went way beyond kindness and sympathy, and her compassion has saved thousands of children’s lives through Touch A Life Foundation—an organization she founded to advocate for trafficked and vulnerable children and provide long-term care for kids in Ghana, Vietnam and Cambodia.

It’s important for us all to remember that while Pam is doing powerful things to create positive change, she is just a woman who saw dire need and decided to act. Just like her, we can be women of compassion when we see injustice, tragedy or heartbreak.

Here are some ways we can live out compassion in our daily lives:

-Serve food at a homeless shelter.
-Volunteer at a charity or organization you believe in.
-Sponsor a child through World Vision or Compassion International.
-Spend time with older people in nursing homes.
-Send care packages to the troops.
-Use our past difficulties to encourage someone in a tough time (for example, a friend who is dealing with the death of a loved one).
-When we see injustice, ask ourselves what we can do to make it right—we might end up changing the world like Pam!

For more information about Touch A Life Foundation, please visit TouchALifeKids.org.

Read the rest of the articles in the 6 part series “The Character of Beauty” here.

 

Photo Credit:  http://modernhepburn.tumblr.com/post/13700728496

The Character of Beauty: Joy

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If I’ve learned one thing in the past few years it is this: joy is not the same as happiness. Rather, it is having hope in the face of darkness and tragedy, and living life with a grateful heart for all of the things we do have, rather than focusing on all that we don’t.

This year I’ve learned the hard way about this kind of non-happiness joy. Through the past eight money-saving months as a newlywed, the sudden deaths of young friends, and the realization that I have no control over the outside world, I’ve come to learn–rather, been forced to learn–what joy really is and how to live it out. I’ve cried, I’ve envied, and I’ve felt more than my share of frustration. But through those feelings and the nasty circumstances, I’ve come to understand joy in ways I never had before.

My friend Jared passed away unexpectedly last month, and I was a total wreck after hearing the news, unable to show anyone even the slightest smile, and completely consumed in my own world of pain and sadness. A couple days later, I met up with Rebecca and Jayme–two of my closest girlfriends in San Diego–and I found myself laughing so hard my stomach hurt as Jayme told us a ridiculous story about her weekend.

As I left the coffee shop after our date, I felt confused and even guilty. I wondered, “How could I laugh at a time like this, after something so tragic just happened?” Sitting in my car, waiting for the light to turn green, I realized that sadness and laughter could in fact coexist. They are paradoxical, yes, but their coexistence is the making of true joy.

For so long I’ve tried to be beautiful through my appearance, but each day I’m seeing more and more how wrong I am about it all. Beauty isn’t about what we wear or how we look, but rather about who we are and who we’re becoming. Joy is one of those characteristics–one of the intangible, non-physical qualities that make us beautiful, regardless of shape or size.

If life has brought you some tough times, I understand–I’m in the same boat. Rather than cope with the pain of the past by making the outside look good, I challenge both of us to allow ourselves to experience real joy in spite of what we’ve been through. Let’s allow ourselves to really feel our emotions, let’s take moments throughout the day to express gratitude for what we do have, and let’s exude true, beautiful joy.

Read the rest of the articles in the 6 part series “The Character of Beauty” here.

Photo Credit: http://pinterest.com/pin/39125090482266697/

The Character of Beauty: Kindness

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What makes something or someone beautiful, really? What is it that makes us stop in our tracks and be left in awe? In nature, we often recognize beauty when it’s unexpected, unique or rare. For example, a rose blooming from a stem of thorns or the sun bursting out of the darkness as it rises. Kindness is like that. It is highly underrated quality in our culture, and something we don’t see as often as we should.

To be kind is to be affectionate, loving, gentle, and of a sympathetic or helpful nature. How many people do you know who exude that?

I cannot write about the beauty in kindness without telling you about the most beautiful woman I know in San Diego. She is radiant beyond belief, always genuine, and refuses to let you walk away from your conversation with her without a hug. Mother Teresa once said, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” Rosie is the epitome of that.

Rosie is the facilities janitor at my husband Brian’s office. I first met her last year when I was dropping off something for Brian at work. She saw us talking and walked over, asking Brian if I was his wife and if he’d introduce us. She immediately hugged me, and told me how excited she was to finally meet me, as Brian had told her all about me. Since then, she stops whatever she’s doing whenever I stop by the office, always giving me that big hug and asking about how things are going in our lives.

She is loving, authentic and kind–truly the kind of woman I want to be when I grow up. Though I consistently fool myself thinking that beauty has something to do with how I dress or how my body looks, she has the kind of beauty that I really want–the kind that impacts people’s lives and spreads love around.

The truth is, we cannot truly be beautiful without kindness. Yes, it is rare. Yes, it is difficult. But it is certainly not impossible, and it will become more natural as we practice. Here a few ways we can begin to pursue kindness in our daily lives:

1. Hold the door open for a stranger.

2. Acknowledge the humanity of others, regardless of their social status.

3. Listen to a friend who needs to be heard, refraining from giving advice unless we are asked.

4. Offer to help others, whether by bringing food to a friend who become a new mom, or by helping someone move across town to their new apartment.

5. Bring coffee to a coworker who has been working on a tough project.

6. Write an encouraging note to a friend for no reason.

Stay tuned in the coming weeks for part two of this Six-Part Series on defining beauty: joy.

 

Photo Credit: modernhepburn.tumblr.com

The Character of Beauty: A Six-Part Series

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We’ve all met that woman–the one who is so radiant we can’t take our eyes off of her. She’s beautiful, but we can’t quite figure out why. Is it her hair? Her figure? Her clothes? After speaking with her for a few moments, we know that her beauty is far beyond the physical. She exudes something lovely, contagious and rare.

I can only imagine how powerful it would be if we all grew into that kind of woman I just described–if we all started accepting who we are, loving our bodies, understanding our true value, and spreading real beauty wherever we go.

In my last article Healthy Girl Talk: Redefining Beauty, I talked about the need our culture has to redefine beauty for what it really is–so much more than physical appearance. I also shared four steps we can all take each day that will contribute to that redefinition: use positive language when talking about bodies, focus on the function of our body parts, celebrate non-physical qualities, and live a beautiful life by demonstrating those non-physical qualities.

In the coming weeks, I’m going to expand on that article by discussing various qualities of beauty that we could all afford to have a little more of in this world: kindness, joy, compassion, love, generosity and confidence. After all, how can we affirm others and live out these qualities if we don’t fully understand what they look like?

Let’s explore together what real beauty looks like. Let’s redefine beauty by the way we speak and act. Let’s take the big risk of being examples for the women we interact with each day. Wouldn’t that be something revolutionary?

Read all entries in the series “The Character of Beauty” here

Photo credit: madewell.tumblr.com