The Dreamer Embodied: Rebecca Snavely, Co-Founder of Action Kivu

The Dreamer Embodied: Rebecca Snavely, Co-Founder  of Action Kivu | Darling Magazine

On the television show Project Runway, aspiring fashion designers sew for a chance at sudden fame and success. In the Democratic Republic of Congo, a small group of women sew in hopes of feeding and educating their children. These two realities, still so distant on our small planet, are connected by one woman: Rebecca Snavely.

Rebecca grew up a bookworm and followed her fascination with story into entertainment and journalism, and to countries like Ethiopia and Kosovo. Her most recent job is casting for Project Runway, where she explores the fashion blogging world in search of the next potential star. “My favorite part of the job is interviewing people to find out the quirks of their personal stories,” Rebecca told me by email.

A few years ago she and her friend Cate Haight, a film editor in Los Angeles, read Half the Sky, Nick Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn’s treatise on global injustice against women. When they reached the section about Congo, about rape being used as a weapon of war and the courage of women in the face of such violence, they decided together to do something. Through a friend, they connected with Amani Matabaro, a Congolese man who founded his own non-profit to serve women and children in eastern Congo. “I have never met anyone like Amani,” Rebecca told me. “Cate and I are inspired by his never-ending dedication to making a difference in his community, his persistence, his joy, his intelligence, his empathy and love for those he works and lives with.”

The Dreamer Embodied: Rebecca Snavely, Co-Founder  of Action Kivu | Darling Magazine

She and Cate founded Action Kivu to help Amani fund his work, and to support positive change in Congo through the “powerful, purposeful people of its local communities.” The work they support tackles practical challenges like education, income generation, and stopping domestic violence. And it’s all driven by the needs of the Congolese communities where it’s accomplished. In a land where women are often scorned and abused, Ernata, a woman who learned tailoring in Amani’s program, sums up the benefits: “I am very proud of myself today, and my husband is proud of me and he’s happy to have me as a wife, especially as I help make an income for the family.”

Rebecca, Cate, and Amani plan to start a fair trade program to sell the products created in Congo in the American market, and to create a ‘Peace School’ to provide education for the vulnerable children of Amani’s home community, many of whom are orphaned by war and disease. Rebecca dreams of working full time on Action Kivu, connecting with funders and other partners to magnify their impact. The work of Action Kivu, she told me, “is what makes my heart break with anguish and joy, what wakes me up, what makes me come alive.”

The Dreamer Embodied: Rebecca Snavely, Co-Founder  of Action Kivu | Darling Magazine

In the meantime, she will keep splitting her life across two worlds. “It’s an odd and beautiful balance of realities: women who are trying to sew their way into the world of fashion, and women who trying to sew their way out of poverty and into empowerment.” She is helping bring those stories a little closer together, and as she put it so well, “as we all grow closer and share our stories, helping each other find our talents and our voices, as we create places of peace, peace that is crucial for hope to take hold, we can learn from watching each other begin live life to the fullest, without fear.” A worthy dream indeed.

Rebecca told me you can support her and her dreams by connecting with Action Kivu on Facebook and Twitter, and by sharing the stories of the women, men and children of eastern Congo. You are, of course, encouraged to donate on their site. And introductions to foundations that might invest in their work would be a tremendous help.

James A. Pearson can fit nearly all of his possessions in a single, black REI duffel bag, which is handy when moving his life to and from Uganda. He is a writer and co-founder of Ember Arts, a humanitarian family business, and you can find more of his work at www.jamesapearson.com.

Embracing Our Inner Imperfect Hostess

Embracing Our Inner Imperfect Hostess | Darling Magazine

I never realized that I was a clean freak until I had a baby.

A clean house was the first thing to go once our son was born, right after long showers and seven consecutive hours of sleep each night. Somewhere in the midst of sleep deprivation and projectile vomiting (the baby, not me), I stopped caring about beautifully made beds and perfectly polished sink faucets.

It was a slow process, that releasing of cleanliness and order. I started making the bed a few times a week instead of every day, and sometimes I even went to sleep with dishes in the sink. I allowed dust to collect on the shelves in our bedroom and laundry to pile high on top of the washing machine.

Gradually, little by little and day by day, I let go of something else.

Our house became more lived in, more relatable, more us. There were signs of life everywhere—from burp cloths on the coffee table to sleep training books carelessly tossed aside on the couch. The kitchen counter was often covered in a mixture of toast crumbs and droplets of pureed banana, sticky remnants that had fallen off the spoon during transition from blender to baby bowl.

People lived in our house—and for the first time—it appeared that way. There were marks of three lives in every single room: momma, daddy, and baby.

I started to embrace it, that letting go of cleanliness and order. I felt freedom in not washing a dish three seconds after I finished using it. I found liberty in smudge marks on the mirror and lint on top of the dresser.

I found freedom in the imperfections, in the dust, in the puffs between couch cushions.

That is, until, it was my turn to host a women’s group a few weeks ago. Suddenly freedom meant nothing to me as I morphed back into Monica Geller, frantically running around the house at 5:00pm, throwing magazines into drawers and tossing baby toys out of sight. I called my husband in frustration as I wiped kale from my baby’s forehead, exasperated that I was home alone taking care of a baby while I needed to clean for company. He came home with tacos for dinner and store bought cookies for me to serve, bless his heart, while I quickly attacked the kitchen with Clorox. I inhaled my share of the tacos and quickly discarded the evidence, lest anyone think I had actually eaten dinner at the kitchen table.

Twenty minutes later the house was ready and everything looked perfect. Well, everything except for me—I was a hot, sweaty mess. As I looked around the impeccably clean living room seconds before my friends arrived, I felt anything but pride. I felt pathetic.

These friends are the last people on earth who would judge a dirty house. These are my close friends, the ones who visited me in the hospital after my son was born and saw me in a bathing suit eight weeks after giving birth. We know intimate details about each other’s lives and share everything from maternity clothes and Kindles to baby gates and crock pot recipes. Of all the people, of all the potential guests to host, they would be the very last to expect perfection from me.

Yet, attempted perfection is my go-to, my instinct, what I know best.

So often our impulse when hosting people in our homes is to remove every crumb from the premises, straighten every picture frame, and shine every surface. While it’s sometimes easy to let go behind closed doors, many of us still struggle to release perfection when the doors are open. That’s a harder challenge and a bigger battle, one that can go against all of our instincts.

If you’re struggling to embrace your inner imperfect hostess, here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Fostering community is more important than presenting a clean house. What matters more: the depth of conversations around your table, or the sparkle of your stove? Keeping this simple reminder in check can be powerful.

2. When you invite people into your home, into your mess, you become transparent in a good way. Transparency leads to vulnerability, and vulnerability leads to trust. The most solid friendships in life are founded on trust, not vacuumed carpets.

3. Spontaneity can lead to the best gatherings. It’s easy to set up dinner invitations a week in advance when you know you can clean ahead of time. Inviting a friend over for an impromptu get together can be less formal, more relaxed, and often times, surprisingly more fun.

4. When you give yourself permission to let go of perfection, you invite others to do the same. When you invite people into your less-than-perfect home, you encourage them to offer the same gift back to you.

Hopefully with these things in mind, we can gradually, little by little, continue to let go of something else, eventually freeing ourselves to embrace the real life mess that accompanies this real life we are living.

In what areas of your life—when hosting or otherwise—are you learning to let go of perfection?

Ashlee is a happily married Sacramento dweller and brand new momma to Everett Hudson. She is also a writer, photographer, and blogger who you can find at www.wheremyheartresides.com.

In My Toolbox: Must-Haves For The DIY Girl, Part II

In My Toolbox: Must-Haves For The DIY Girl, Part II | Darling Magazine

This is continued from In My Toolbox: Must-Haves For The DIY Girl

Looking at your toolbox, you may be realizing that the extent of your handy-woman tools includes one mighty hammer that has seen you through and through. If that’s the case, good for you. Every diy girl started somewhere. You may also be realizing that the projects you have been saving up for a sunny day require a few more necessities to get the job done. Here is a continued breakdown of the must haves for your building up your darling toolbox…

Level
The name says it all. Levels come in many different sizes but a 6”-12” works for almost everything. Say goodbye to crooked shelves, disheveled frames, and topsy turvy wall hangings. Bonus feature, some are magnetic!

Tape Measure
A 10′-30′ will suit most projects. Make sure it is in inches and not meters (unless you intend to venture over to Europe for your projects, which maybe you are—lucky girl!). The LeverLock tape measure made by Stanley has wonderful testimony.

Square
Sometimes in life, things just don’t make sense. Calling a (sometimes) triangle shaped tool a square is one of those things. These are inexpensive and invaluable for making straight and square lines (Aha, hence, the name!)

Hang & Level
For those moments that you are needing to hang frames yet find yourself alone with the task, this handy tool is a wonderful multitasking life saver. The picture hanging tool is designed to mark where the nail goes without any holes or scratches that often come with the trial and error in hanging pictures “just so”. It works with all types of hanging hardware for both vertical and horizontal hanging frames.

Cordless Drill
Out of all the basics for your toolbox, this is probably the most expensive. A 9 volt or 12 volt will drill through most materials and work great for driving screws as well. This tool is worth the investment, especially if you foresee yourself becoming very DIY savvy. Drills are made by a long list of various manufacturers. Do a bit of research to find a drill that feels good in the hand and is not so heavy; find one that fits your size and strength.

Drill bits and Drivers
A simple set of eight to ten bits ranging from 1/16th inch to 3/8th inch is a great start. Add a simple set of screwdriver bits and your toolbox will be smiling.

Lauren lives in Denver, CO where she can often be found navigating a tool box with her handy husband and delving into home design. She blogs at pearlspoppiespinkiesup.blogspot.com, and loves swimming, her spunky dog, scouring thrift stores, and frozen yogurt.

How To Dress For A Beach Vacation

How To Dress For A Beach Vacation | Darling Magazine

I love packing. It’s one of those things that most people hate, but the planning process and the challenge that comes with trying to squeeze several outfits into one tiny carry-on is merely exciting. And what’s even more exciting than packing? Getting to your beach vacation destination! You’ve waited so long for this day to come, so instead of stressing out about what to bring, let us guide you to the perfect restful wardrobe.

Go Light
Fabrics like cotton, rayon, linen and jersey knits are not only light in weight, but comfortable to wear because of their breathability in warm weather.

Plan Around Your Swimsuit
The easiest way to think about putting together outfits for a beach vacation is to try and plan around the bathing suit. Most likely, this is what you’ll be wearing quite often, so preparing simple ensembles with the suit in mind will help streamline the process.

  • Easy dresses can double as an outfit or as a cover up
  • Shorts can be worn with a bikini top or later at night with a blouse
  • Also with a bikini top or a blouse, wide leg pants can be super chic in nice linen
  • Basics t-shirts and tanks in soft cotton are a key item as they can be paired with anything. To stay versatile, keep graphics to a minimum; solids and stripes do the trick every time.

Layer Up
Even though you’ll be in beautiful climate conditions, depending on the location, there is usually a chance of cooler nights, and sometimes even summer rain. Make some space in your bag for a lightweight jacket or sweater (or both) just in case.

Protect Yourself
We should all know by now that basking in the sun without protection is a big no-no. Of course slathering on at least a 30 SPF sunscreen is a must, but bring a hat in an effort to keep the rays from damaging your precious face.

On Your Feet
Despite what a lot of people think, sandals can be dressy. Rubber flip-flops are great for daytime and walking around the beach towns, but finding a more fashionable option for the evening is attainable. Look for sandals with a small wedge heel, maybe a metallic sheen, or even some beaded detail to create nighttime look.

The biggest and most important thing to remember when getting the opportunity to take a little rest and relaxation trip is hydration (we want you to stay healthy), and happiness. Musician Bobby McFerrin said it best with his 1988 hit, “don’t worry, be happy!”

Image via Wit + Delight

Cathleen is a writer, stylist and works for one of the leading fast fashion companies in the world. Based in Los Angeles, she and her husband enjoy quality time with friends, traveling and random dance parties. Find more of her work at cathleensimmons.com.

Get Published In Our Summer Issue

Get Published In Our Summer Issue | Darling Magazine

Our summer print wants to involve our darling readers! Email a .jpg or two capturing your favorite moment(s) from summer. Whether the open road, a vast ocean or a beachy bonfire, we want to display your captured memories!

Please send the goods to cassie@darlingmagazine.org.

Details:

  • We will accept photos only through email and as .jpg files. (Hi-res encouraged!)
  • If we choose to showcase your submission, we will be sure to give credit through printing only your name in our summer issue.
  • We have full rights to use your photo.
  • Deadline for submission is May 18th, 2013 12pm PST.
This post is brought to you by the Darling Team! To learn more about who we are, please visit our Meet Our Team page.

The Ladder Not Worth Climbing

The Ladder Not Worth Climbing | Darling Magazine

Whether you feel like you’re on the bottom rung or the top rung of the ladder, we’ve all experienced the social climb at one point or another. Maybe you’ve been stepped on by someone climbing their way to the top or perhaps you yourself have felt the need to associate with those you felt were above you, “elevating” your own self worth. Regardless of your position on the ladder, social climbing is not a strategy that promotes a healthy relationship with ourselves or lends itself deep, long-lasting relationships with others.

To begin, the idea that spending time with a person that you believe will help you feel important or valuable gives others more power than they ought to have. No other human being should be able to determine our worth. Yet, when we feel that we become more worthy by mere association, the words and actions of the other carry more weight than they should. When we find ourselves in this position, we fear a negative interaction having already determined that it means something about who we are. Here, the hurtful action fails to stay with its rightful owner because we have allowed it to mean that there is a defect in us. When this occurs, we are often too quick to prove ourselves to gain approval, creating a codependent relationship.

When we feel the strong need to associate with another to improve our own social status, we are giving ourselves a difficult and dangerous message about our own identity. When we pressure ourselves to become a part of this desired “inner circle,” we are saying, “there are inadequacies in me that need to be filled by someone else” and “I am not enough or acceptable as I am.” When we find ourselves in this unhealthy social climb, we are wise to examine our relationship with ourselves…how are you treating yourself? Are you being the kind of friend to yourself you hope to have in others? Beating ourselves up about who we are will only send us looking for validation in all the wrong places.

Not only is the social climb futile in elevating our own self-worth, but we are also unable to climb up without stepping on someone else, hurting others in the process. When we are focused on chasing after relationships that make us feel important, we sacrifice other relationships. Not only do we risk sacrificing relationships that are truly meaningful, but we also give these people the message that they are not valued enough to spend our attention and time with. Stepping on other people in hurtful ways is not becoming in any way and is hardly a means winning meaningful friendships.

The social climbing habit has implications for our relationship with ourselves as well as our relationships with others. When we make a habit of pursuing relationships with the “right” people at all costs, we are focused on what they can do for us rather than enjoying their uniqueness and the gifts that they truly have to offer. In addition, we are focused on how they can serve us and we miss opportunities to serve them. Friendships should be characterized by give and take and using people to benefit our own social status will hardly grant us the kind of relationships that we all long for.

While social climbing is often a tactic we use to seek a salve for feeling inadequate, pursuing friendships to make ourselves feel important leave us feeling more empty and alone because we fail to give ourselves a message of value, depending on others to validate our self worth. Further, when we focus on our social status, we miss out true connection that lasting friendships are built upon. So if you are someone who finds yourself pining after particular friends, it might be a good idea to ask yourself why these friendships are important to you and what your motivation might be for pursuing the friendship. If you find yourself climbing the social ladder, perhaps the best place to start is to climb down and work on your relationship with yourself. This investment will not disappoint.

Nicole is a writer, speaker, marriage and family therapist and recent east coast transplant where she lives with her husband jimmy in Westport, CT. She loves to hear the hearts of others as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, and therapist and enjoys pouring her heart out on paper with honest talk about what it means to live fully and wholly.

The Do-It-Yourself Simple Guide to Paint

The Do-It-Yourself Simple Guide to Paint | Darling Magazine

There was once a time when paint was nothing more than plant and flower pigments mixed with egg yolk, or milk mixed with colored pigments, then dried and left ready to be applied. Now, wander down the paint aisle in any hardware store when planning your next do-it-yourself project and be surrounded by the endless paint choices. Glossy, latex, enamels, oil based, water based, primers, cans of spray paint, and an equally large assortment of paint brushes hanging from ceiling to floor. And the colors! Hundreds of shades representing every inch of the color wheel, like simple white paint, are coined with clever names—navajo white, ancient ivory, frosting, cream fleece, ashwood, white heron, moonshine, linen, bone white. Where does one even begin?

When it comes to paint, one size does not fit all. Matching paint with material is essential—so before you hit the paint aisle, and lay out your drop cloth, ready to dip your brush and make a color transformation, here are a few simple things to consider about the endless options out there…

Primer
Primer is your base coat. It is what prepares your surface, giving it a solid foundation for the paint to follow. Primer and sand paper are your best friends when it comes to a revamp with paint. They insure that your surface’s previous flaws are hidden and covered. Primers are available for all surfaces—metals, bare wood, stained wood, plastic—just check to make sure it matches up!

Water-Based
Water-based paint is the favorite when it comes to easy clean-up and fast application. With two coats, your surface can be finished in a day. Water is the “solvent” in the paint mixture—solvent being the term for spreadability. The “binder” in water based paint (or what makes the paint stick to its surface) is acrylic, vinyl, or a mixture of both.

Oil-Based
Oil-based typically take longer to dry. It slowly flattens out, which in turn, hides brush marks much better than a quick drying paint. Oil-based paint is extremely durable in comparison to latex paints, with petroleum as the solvent. What makes oil based paints adhere to its surface are natural oils or resin. Unlike water-based, any clean up requires turpentine or mineral spirits, and the odor midst project is a bit more noticeable. Use oil based on already painted surfaces and primed walls for a rich look.

Gloss
This is the finish. From low to high, the gloss spectrum looks like this: flat, eggshell, satin, semi-gloss, and high gloss. Flat gloss is dull and hides imperfections where in contrast high gloss gives off shine, drawing attention to any flaws. Before settling with your paint finish, test it out. Dab a bit on a wooden surface and wait for it to dry—this is a sure way to make sure you like what you get!

Samples
You may be indecisive and unable to pick out a paint color for the life of you. Or you may just love a new hue each week, so you are constantly priming and painting everything in sight. So instead of buying paint, you go indulge in frozen yogurt because your flavor and toppings are, in fact, something you can make a decision on. Sound familiar? This is where sample sizes are completely brilliant. Choose a paint swatch, or two, or three, and for under three dollars each, you can walk away with paint samples. Samples do come as matte, so you will not be able to test your finish—but how wonderful to spend little and explore your color options! And myth be busted, paint samples go a lot further than they seem.

Surface Prepping
Another important part of painting is prepping your surface, before the primer and paint even enter the picture. For bare wood, sand until the surface is smooth. For pre-painted or sealed wood, clean with a non-residue cleaner, and roughen the surface with 150-grit sand paper, wiping clean before applying primer and paint—this will assure your new paint color stays put. For metal, remove any rust or flaking with a wire brush, then sand and rinse with water allowing the surface to air dry before applying your new coat or paint. Sand plastic surfaces lightly and wipe clean. Spray paint or acrylic works best on plastic. For fabric painting, wash and allow your material to air dry. Stretch your fabric out and lay flat before applying paint. Most paints “set” on fabric once you’ve sent them through the dryer—and be sure to use a water based paint with fabric!

Georgia O’Keeffe once said, “I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn’t say any other way.” May your painting endeavors be a way for you to express those things you can’t say with words—even if only through a few color hues. No matter your canvas—your kitchen wall, a thrifted dresser, or a set of upcycled chairs—may your coats of paint reflect new life and purpose for the things you put your paintbrush to.

Lauren lives in Denver, CO where she can often be found navigating a tool box with her handy husband and delving into home design. She blogs at pearlspoppiespinkiesup.blogspot.com, and loves swimming, her spunky dog, scouring thrift stores, and frozen yogurt.

You Are Not Forgotten

You Are Not Forgotten | Darling Magazine

Mother’s Day is one of the most empowering holidays on the calendar. It celebrates the beautiful gift we women possess, to bring children into the world, and notes the lavish amount of time that we spend raising them. The road to becoming a mother may not always be easy, but it is wholly unique to womanhood and one of the most endearing life experiences we can have.

On this Mother’s Day, we want to take a moment to remember the “forgotten” mothers. The women who were never able to hold their babies, and those to long to hold their children again.

Many can overlook the despair of miscarriage and child loss on a day of celebration, because only those who have been affected by its loss can truly understand the grief that is felt each and every day following. If you know someone facing sorrow today, whether a recent loss or one from long ago, you probably know that no words can heal the brokenness. It is a delicate topic, and should be approached with few words, but no mother wants her child to go unremembered. Giving a gift of flowers and a “thinking of you today” note can be a beautiful way to show that you remember not only the mother, but also the child.

For those of us who have faced loss in our own lives, creating a routine for Mother’s Day is profound way to remember a child. A remembrance can be as simple as lighting a candle, looking through photos, planting a tree, or visiting a grave with family. The significant part is that you are creating a goal for this day–to remember and celebrate the precious child who made you a mother.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers reading, especially to those who are missing a loved one. You are not forgotten.

Image via Pinterest

Ashley Wingo lives in Southern California with her charming husband + their four littles. She chats about motherhood, family and running her business at www.houseoflovelock.com